Why dogs are better than cats.

Cats

CONS because I cant think of any PROS

  1. When cats get excited they scratch the shit out of you
  2. They go crazy and claw people/furniture and babies.
  3. As demonstrated above, they are not very loving.
  4. They meow incessantly until punched or thrown through a window.
  5. They are the number 1 cause of crazy cat lady syndrome.
  6. Cats whisper plans of murder to their owners to make them serial killers.
  7. They will steal your peanuts and not give a shit about your fiber requirements for the day.

Dogs

PROS because I cant think of any CONS

  1. They bring you rum when you are lost in a blizzard.
  2. Their loyalty is uncanny.
  3. The dog below saved this mans life by finding a kidney for a much needed transplant and simultaneously ridding the world of a crazy cat lady.
    Dog Hero
    The dog performed the surgery himself because he didn't trust the doctor with his best friends life.
  4. Dog tears cure leukemia.
  5. Puppies smell like hugs and relaxation.
    Puppy
    This one helped its owner off of his cocaine addiction. Whats your anti-drug? Your cat? Well enjoy your collapsed veins and dystrophy, you crack whore.

To be fair to all cat lovers.

Why dead cats are better than dead dogs

Dead Cats

PROS because I cant think of any CONS

  1. They have smaller bodies and decompose faster thus contributing to the circle of life at a quicker pace.
  2. Dead cats make for awesome pillows.
  3. They are great as door stops or keeping documents from flying off.
    Cats are effective as paper weights
    Cats are effective as a paper weight
  4. They don’t meow or scratch.
  5. They don’t have to be fed.
  6. They can be put into a pillow case and used as a weapon to deal not only physical damage but mental damage to anybody.

Dead Dogs

CONS because I cant think of any PROS

  1. Some are huge and take forever to bury
  2. Its sad
  3. The impact of their loss makes you cry and miss them.
  4. They are a mans best friend thus, in their death, they leave man without a friend and this heavy contribution to a mans loneliness leads him to a life of solitude until one day when the man decides he’s had enough, does a shit load of coke then goes and shoots up a mall before blowing his brains out.
  5. Alive, dogs prevent mass murder.
  6. Not all dogs go to heaven. Some return from the dead looking for revenge on its killer using an orphan girl who can talk to animals.
  7. You can get your own immortal dog thus making this list obsolete.

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